i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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