hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
