i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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