What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
