Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
