I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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