So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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