5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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