Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
