I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
