So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
