So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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