walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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