I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
