i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
