I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
