so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
