I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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