Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
