Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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My breasts were aching with rage.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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