Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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