Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
