The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
