Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
