Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
