I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
