ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize