I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
