I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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