a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
