My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
