dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
