quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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