the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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