ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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