If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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