I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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