Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drake has all the answers
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
