Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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