My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
