I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
