Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
