we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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