i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
