I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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