The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
