The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
