just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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