Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
