you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
