So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
