He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
