So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
