I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
