Me. At least after what I've been through.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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