A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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