i don't like sucking hair
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
