all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
