The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
