.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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