Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
