thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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