Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
