I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
