I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
